So I've spent the last month or so thinking, planning, brainstorming and preparing. After years of modeling, dabbling with photography, getting my degree, aiming for PhD, completing writing the model guidance book, and in the midst of raising two beautiful offspring, I've decided to finally focus on being totally involved in photography, whether behind the camera, in front, arranging events or even one day opening my own studio. That's what I want to do. And like the totally unspoilt, headstrong and willing to work my arse off one woman wonder machine I am, I'll get what I want.
I've ran through my head a number of times, "What sort of photography do I want to do?". I like abstract art, I like contemporary designs, I like macro, little details, capturing the tiny missed details in life. I don't like photographing people. But I like catching moments of their emotion, fleeting thoughts otherwise forever lost, a characteristic unique to that person and that person only. I want to sell art, but photograph what I love. I want to earn a living, but that largely means photographing the drab I despise. I don't want to land in the trap of slogging away clicking the trigger to earn pennies with no zest behind my actions. I want to create, live and live what I do with a passion. Ultimately. And sustain a comfortable standard of living from it. Is that every artists dream?
And I have not been able to resist the lure of modeling again. I feel apprehensive about being in front of the camera again, but I have a co-character in me that can't show her face in day to day life, itching to be let loose. Again, I want the art, the passion, the creative buzz. And I want to sustain a living wage from it too. I've had my fair share of standard same old hobby shoots. While I'm always happy to help out a new photographer, run through the standard sets and poses to develop their portfolio, gain experience and meet lovely photo related people, it becomes somewhat drab when that is 90% of your work for the sake of earning, and only 10% awesome shoots where I can get my creative collaboration on. I don't mean to down on the hobbyist photographers, or those starting out, because that would make me a total hypocrite.
Ideally I'd love to earn money from modelling, to invest in photography and be able to pay the models I book for their time. And eventually earn from just photography and keep modelling as something I love to do for me, not to survive on. So I have a vague romantic vision of an artisan existence earning my bread and butter from living and doing what I love in a haze of creative chaos. Aahhh, sweet idealism.
But underneath all that is my determination and headstrong willingness to get what I want and not let anything stand in my way. By hook or crook. With a collection of random memories in photos rather than regrets of what could have been.