Sometimes It's so worth it.

Every now and again - well, quite frequently actually, I do wonder why I associate myself with an industry that encourages materialism, commercialism and self-obsession.  I always thought I  would try to keep as far out of that as possible, hence focussing on alternative fashion rather than high street or commercial - my own lil attempt at promoting individuality.  Or on art nudes - a celebration of the beauty of a body, a body that lives, and breathes and sees life - not one modified for sexual or monetary gain.


I've got a far from perfect body - I have scars and marks all over me - from injuries and accidents to operations and bearing a child.  My body does what it was intended to do - most of the time.  See - I am going somewhere with this one...


I've had goodness knows how many miscarriages - seriously, I have lost count.  I have had one major emergency operation for an ectopic pregnancy that was almost fatal, luckily I only lost a fallopian tube.  I have had another to rectify the problems I have been left with and all the internal scars from the miscarriages and ectopic.  Safe to say that the child I have got, the only one I am ever likely to have, is IT, my one and only, the only time my body, did as nature intended for it to do.  The only time it was true to it's design as a woman.


From that one successful pregnancy I was left with extensive stretchmarks on my stomach, and fainter ones elsewhere.  I have been left with less than perky boobs from breastfeeding for 13 months...I have a little extra skin in places I'd rather not have extra skin...

So this image, courtesy of Tim Haylock, was as intended in pre-shoot comms, a celebration of my marks, my pregnancy, my daughter and how proud I am of my body for once doing what it was supposed to do. It's an image of mine that over and over again, a lot of models have been referred to when low on self-esteem, when having just had a baby, they worry about modelling again.


And just now, has been commented on by the wonderful and beautiful Helen Diaz:


"I think this image of yours was one of the most startingly frank, honest and inspiring images of a young womans body on a modelling site such as this that I've ever seen.  It's quite unusual to see a model who is so comfortable with their own body and skin, amongst the (lets face it) shallow world of modelling in which people obsess (myself included) over their bodys, weight and flaws.  For me, you are my inspiration, so thankyou." 

It's times like these that I remember, and comments like the above that remind me - I'm not a model to be on trend, to follow the fashion or be a mannequin always ready to parade around as someone else's design.  I'm a real person - and I can only model what I am and what I have been given.  It's times like now that I remember to not feel down when I don't get the work, when I don't 'suit' the style or look.  I'm proud of all my 'flaws' that mark me deep - for all the foundation and concealer in the world can so easily be washed off - my marks are a story of my life.  

Photograph them or not, aesthetic or not...I don't care.  Just wish a few more photographers like Mr Haylock thought the same!