So where's it all going?

*sigh*
It's so annoying when I see models who can 'spare' a couple of hundred pounds to buy one latex outfit, or spend a fortune on their hair and nails and holidays and complain they are skint.  There's been one or two that's really been getting on my nerves recently with it. And they get lots of work, seemingly anyway.

I suppose this is more of a venting area than anything else at the moment.  Basically, my modelling earnings is having to stretch further than ever at the moment - and it's just so frustrating :(

On top of the usual rent, bills and house-hold expenses that everyone has to pay, it's when the extra expenses kick in. Basically - I pay out £120 a month on my daughter's piano and dancing lessons.  It's kind of a luxury I suppose, but she doesn't do games consoles, buying regular sweeties, magazines or treats. We spend weekends going for long walks or playing board games, not going to the pub, eating out or shopping. I buy all our clothes from charity shops, and food-shop at all the local produce shops, greengrocers, butchers as they tend to be cheaper. We're not lavish by any means!  Instead of coming home and plonking in front of some cartoons, she'll do a house-chore to earn her pocket money, do her homework and read a book for a while.  She'll help me with dinner and then maybe watch the news.  She's not only a good kid, but she's incredibly intelligent.  We're talking - not a bright kid in her mother's rose-coloured glasses perspective - a proper bright kid.  She's seven years old, can name you what different planets are made of, can relate the billion's of years of the Universe's history, can multiply and divide all the numbers of the times-tables, is reading at a 12 year old level...even started picking her way through basic philosophy - ontology, existentialism, Wittgenstein, Plato...

I joined the NAGC - the National Association for Gifted and Talented Children a little while ago after her end of school report which stated she was exceptionally above the national expected average levels for her age, and took a mini-educational report to explore whether or not it was possible that the kid is one of these GnT kids. It's 86% likely.  So I went to speak to her teacher, who also happens to be the SEN co-ordinator for the school, thinking that I could get some advice and help with the kid's educational stuff.  Instead - I was refused the school's educational psychologist on the grounds that 'her behaviour doesn't cause concern in the classroom'. I disputed this reason - I insisted that the teacher would at least allow me to appeal this decision and that I was referred to an educational psychologist.

This naturally upset me - feeling like the kid was being penalised for being well behaved, that I was being penalised for being a good parent. If I allowed the kid to act like a little sh*t - then I'm sure they'd declare ADHD or Learning difficulties or whatever other excuse they come out with these days. (Don't get me wrong - I work with SEN kids, but I don't appreciate when labels are just falsely thrown at them).  Basically, if she was disruptive in the classroom, then there would be reason to get an educational psychologists' assessment.  but because she doesn't, there's no need to.

Ever since then, the kid's teacher has been holding my kid back, where other teacher's had done nothing but encourage her, keep her focussed and challenged, never letting her just sit there and wait for other kids to finish work, she was allowed to do something extra, allowed to do extra work if she chose to (which she often did) instead of playing at break time.  They were great, and the kid excelled.  Now however, the kid's coming home with a huge temper, attitude and angry.  She's now hating school, saying that she did the work, and 'just sat there doing nothing'.  Saying that the teacher has now moved her into lower ability groups, that she can't do the harder work..... funny that.  The lower ability groups (I work in this school too, and have trained in SEN) can barely recognise letters in this year-group.  So - hmm... am I wrong in thinking that perhaps the teacher is behaving a little unfairly?

Anyways - what I'm getting at, is now, due to the bloody school refusing me access to the psychologist services, I now have to find £400 to pay for an educational psychologist who can assist, advise and support us.  That's just for the initial consultation - let alone follow-ups.  I don't have that kind of money.  So far I've managed to save £50 in the last three months of what I earned from modelling after daily expenses. It seems so impossible to get there - to save up enough to pay for this report - why should I be doing this when it's the LEA should be listening to the needs and providing the appropriate support?

The stupid thing is that terminology is restricting a lot of parents and children with the services they require - for example SEN - Special Educational Needs - is defined by the LEA as 'learning difficulties'.  SEN in most cases is defined as a 'different learning need' - something other than mainstream.  In this case - yes, she is, but not in difficulty learning.

So there you go, there's my rant of the day/week/month.

Last few shoots of 2011

Ok - as ever, I've been slacking with the regular updates on here - whoops.  But I've been busy, and I've not been well, so I have excuses, valid excuses.

So - my last few shoots of  December - well, there was the lovely Craig Llewellyn, who is a new photographer wanting some studio practice - everything about his pre-comms told me he was a nice guy, and he lived up to it on the day.  Wonderfully pleasant to shoot with, and unusually, he went away with lots of portraiture, smiley, toothy shots from me :D

Ian Hos who wanted some lighting practice and is a much better photographer than he seems to think he is!

Then there was Steve Fennel - he had read this blog sometime before our shoot, so one of the ideas he wanted to try was the 'Gwippy' look mentioned a post or two below.  This pleased me :) And out came the floaty skirts and  frilly tops :)  Unfortunately on the day, my old health issues had decided to kick in, meaning I had to rely on painkillers and sitting down poses a fair bit - this did not please me :(  But none-the-less, we got some pretty shots out of it, and I hope to shoot with him again.  He also got me dancing in the fog with a wind machine on the go - the results of this I am yet to see, but will post as soon as I do!

And then there was the studio day with Emma Willis - well, the one slot that we got booked that didn't get cancelled on us anyway :) We blasted through a few different sets with the photographer, and again, I will post the rest when I get them :)

Unfortunately, I had to cancel my remaining two shoots for December, which I regret horribly.  It's been so long since my belly has knocked me off my feet that it came as quite a shock.  Being able to  barely stand up straight without help was not boding well for the next two shoots :( One I have managed to rebook for January though! YAY for understanding photographers :D

Have a couple of  pics from the last few shoots anyways:

 

Steve Fennel:

Ian Hos:

And a couple from our first set with Geoff West:

So far January sees a studio/model evening at Westgate Studios which seems to be selling well at the moment - only one space available already! Three confirmed shoots already, two more available at £50/3hrs including studio, and five more available dates to fill :)  So far, so good!!

And February - oh yes, I think that far ahead - sees a huge change in direction for me, all being well at least, and a chance to create some pretty, pretty pictures ;) Keep an eye out to find out why :p

Until then - happy 2012, folks! xx

MODEL NIGHT!!

Proud to announce my first group model night to be held at Westgate Studio in Long Eaton :D

I've never done one of these before, so I'm hoping there'll be enough interest to make it a good night, and reason enough to run another in the future.

For those who don't know Westgate - it's a fabulous little studio with countless paper backdrops as well as walls decorated differently throughout the studio for variety - even a comic book wall and a Marylin Monroe collage.  There is an exquisite living room set with purple chaise lounge and furniture, fireplace, stylish modern bedroom set, office set a shower room...it can also boast soft boxes, spotlights, ceiling lights, a ring flash, fog machine (so much fun!), wind machine and much more.

Parking is right across the road, and is accessible easily from Junction 25 off the M1.

Honestly - £25 per person for the three hours that night, with myself working to lingerie and topless levels, experienced photographer on hand to help with lighting and advice - a serious bargain!

Have I sold it enough yet!? :p

...And then sometimes I wonder why!?

Seriously - it's so frustrating trying to organise shoots at the moment!! GAH! One thing that really gets to me is when a shoot is booked, discussed and confirmed, and yet the photographer then either postpones (and puts off setting another date) or cancels outright.  It's really, really annoying.  It means going through all the threads and castings for work I have posted, and re-adjusting them again, once having updated with 'NOW BOOKED' to 'Still looking because he cancelled'.  It looks unprofessional on my part and is so time consuming.

Not only this - but photographers quite often fail to understand that modelling is a source of income - not pocket money, not a little extra, some models rely on what they make from modelling to get by.  This is where I'm coming from - it is at the moment, my bread and butter.  So when you go from budgeting £120 for one week - which let's face it, isn't a princely sum anyway, to just £30 - it's going to p*ss you off somewhat.

I try really hard to maintain a good reputation, to ensure good pre-shoot communication, be reliable, contactable, on-time, prepared, and work hard at the shoot itself to produce the images the photographer will be happy with.

Monumentally annoyed at the moment!!

On the upside - I have a new business relationship with a local studio which should help matters in the new year, I have a studio day booked with Emma Willis (Still taking bookings for slots! Get in touch!) and hopefully one booked in February at the WhiteRooms in Birmingham.  Studio days, I like.  Reliable photographers, I like.  Knowing that I am being booked for doing what I love, I like.  Being messed around - I do not appreciate!!

**RANT DONE**

Sometimes It's so worth it.

Every now and again - well, quite frequently actually, I do wonder why I associate myself with an industry that encourages materialism, commercialism and self-obsession.  I always thought I  would try to keep as far out of that as possible, hence focussing on alternative fashion rather than high street or commercial - my own lil attempt at promoting individuality.  Or on art nudes - a celebration of the beauty of a body, a body that lives, and breathes and sees life - not one modified for sexual or monetary gain.


I've got a far from perfect body - I have scars and marks all over me - from injuries and accidents to operations and bearing a child.  My body does what it was intended to do - most of the time.  See - I am going somewhere with this one...


I've had goodness knows how many miscarriages - seriously, I have lost count.  I have had one major emergency operation for an ectopic pregnancy that was almost fatal, luckily I only lost a fallopian tube.  I have had another to rectify the problems I have been left with and all the internal scars from the miscarriages and ectopic.  Safe to say that the child I have got, the only one I am ever likely to have, is IT, my one and only, the only time my body, did as nature intended for it to do.  The only time it was true to it's design as a woman.


From that one successful pregnancy I was left with extensive stretchmarks on my stomach, and fainter ones elsewhere.  I have been left with less than perky boobs from breastfeeding for 13 months...I have a little extra skin in places I'd rather not have extra skin...

So this image, courtesy of Tim Haylock, was as intended in pre-shoot comms, a celebration of my marks, my pregnancy, my daughter and how proud I am of my body for once doing what it was supposed to do. It's an image of mine that over and over again, a lot of models have been referred to when low on self-esteem, when having just had a baby, they worry about modelling again.


And just now, has been commented on by the wonderful and beautiful Helen Diaz:


"I think this image of yours was one of the most startingly frank, honest and inspiring images of a young womans body on a modelling site such as this that I've ever seen.  It's quite unusual to see a model who is so comfortable with their own body and skin, amongst the (lets face it) shallow world of modelling in which people obsess (myself included) over their bodys, weight and flaws.  For me, you are my inspiration, so thankyou." 

It's times like these that I remember, and comments like the above that remind me - I'm not a model to be on trend, to follow the fashion or be a mannequin always ready to parade around as someone else's design.  I'm a real person - and I can only model what I am and what I have been given.  It's times like now that I remember to not feel down when I don't get the work, when I don't 'suit' the style or look.  I'm proud of all my 'flaws' that mark me deep - for all the foundation and concealer in the world can so easily be washed off - my marks are a story of my life.  

Photograph them or not, aesthetic or not...I don't care.  Just wish a few more photographers like Mr Haylock thought the same! 

Change of Direction?

Zenith is a multi faceted nightmare of a lass.  Seriously - she even annoys me sometimes :p  Generally I've always been a bit of a natural grunge-y goth...sort of.  I don't exactly dress it up, but I do love the grown up goth look rather than all the skulls and strips that float around these days.  I love the art nude work I do, though I admit I'll never be a top art nude model - I just don't have the flexibility, balance or tone for high quality art nude images, though I do try....  I also adore the erotica and fetish work I get away with.  Each genre is simply an area of my personality exhibited and played up enough to create an image.  I guess this is why I can get away with a random mix of variety that I do.

But more and more, I'm missing the natural-born hippy in me.  The floaty dresses, full grass and flowers in the hair me.  And I distinctly lack this in my portfolio these days too. Well, the winter months isn't going to help with that either.  *sigh* Spring can't come sooner!

I really want to get a more gentle and serene addition to my portfolio, explore a whole area of myself and see what Zenith makes of it.  A Gwippy (so I have been dubbed - apparently) - Goth Wannabe Hippy - could make for an interesting style of image, in my mind anyways.  So come the spring, hopefully there'll be a 'new' look to add to the list of my styles and the pics to show it off too. 

In the mean time - heavy eyeliner and studio lights are high on the list! Speaking of - I have a Studio Day booked with the lovely Emma Willis soon.  A whole day of prancing around dressed up and/or naked together is always fabulous fun! We sold out our last studio day together and hopefully we'll do it again! Here's to artistic collaborations :)

New Profiles

So this week has seen me updating/reinstaing and creating new profiles around the place. 

Two more now active: http://www.madcowmodels.co.uk/Zenith and here: http://www.musecube.com/Shaz-Zenith

They're both slowly getting there with uploading images.  Just so hard to choose what I should use and letting go of old favourites.  It's weird how I hang onto a particular couple of images, despite them not being recent and possibly having better - some scream personal value to me more than 'model portfolio'.  Hmm... I should possibly address this at some point.

Well - I have a set of pics from Tuesday's shoot with a Joel 27 to sort through - we blasted through three sets of Alternative Fashion for my portfolio update with Spirit Model Management and some low-key art nudes for his portfolio.  I'll update about this shoot in more detail when I get the edits back, I reckon. 

In the meantime, I'm off for an early night and a ponder about rusty old tools, lace and studded items of clothing for Friday's shoot... it's never a dull day!